The Tragic Tale of Big Brown

This time last month, Ysolda blogged about knitting jumpers (or “sweaters” as she put it). She asked for people to contribute stories – good and bad – of their adventures in jumper knitting.

I told the sad and sorry tale of Big Brown (previously referred to here as the Giant Brown Man Jumper or GBMJ). Up until that point I hadn’t been able to face what happened to Big Brown so I never mentioned finishing it on this blog despite giving details of it’s progress when it was on the needles.

Below is what I wrote in the comments on Ysolda’s blog. I’m now ready to come out of the knitwear closet and admit my secret shame. Sit back and enjoy the tragic tale of Big Brown……

I promised my fella a brown, unexciting jumper for his 40th birthday. I would have loved to make him a bright, fair-isle explosion of colour, but well – he’s a brown, stocking stitch and rib kind of man.

So I spent a long time knitting the bloody thing. I wished I’d chosen a pattern that used bulky yarn instead of 8ply. I wished my man was a jockey instead of a 6-foot lad with a palate for pies. I wished he’d asked for a pair of lace fingerless gloves in my size for his birthday.

In short, I really disliked quite a few of the stitches.

Only a few weeks after his birthday I finished the beast which had come to be known as “big brown”. Without wanting to skite, it was a great bit of knitting. Even stitches, perfect seams, lovely yarn. But it looked wrong.

After seaming the sides and setting one sleeve I got him to try it on. It was HUGE. Not just a bit big, but GIGANTIC. He could have invited his two brothers to join him for a pint in that jumper.

Although I’m sure I knew it was going to be too big after I blocked the pieces I pretended it was going to be fine.

I put the miscalculation down to not swatching properly. I didn’t wash, stretch and block my swatch – I just waved a tape measure in its general direction and hoped for the best.

Also I think using superwash was a poor choice. I love the grabbiness of a yarn that has not been treated for superwash but I went with superwash because it was affordable, abundant and on sale.

So many rookie mistakes for someone who is supposed to be a very good knitter. I was mortified.

My man’s response summed it up really – he just said “and you teach knitting do you?”

Big Brown is currently auditioning as a jumper for my friend Judith’s husband. He’s larger than Geoff and Judith says she’ll never knit him a jumper because of the hours involved. So if it fits Mr Judith around she can shorten the sleeves and give Big Brown the home it deserves.

And I’ll just have to cast on for ANOTHER Giant Brown Man Jumper.

This time I’ll swatch.

Twice.